A Letter to My son ~ By J-Angel

[jangel]

A Letter to my Son ~ Nov./04


I know right now that if I tried to say all this in person you would get impatiant and think it is a lecture. It is not a lecture I wish to share with you but just a few thoughts to possibly help you in this hard time you are having, not quite a man, and not still a child. It is a hard time in Life, I know. I once went through it too. This is the time you form your judgement and make choices that could effect you all the rest of your life. And the easy ones, to follow the crowd and do what is fun and easy is the way you have chosen to go. I cannot make your choices for you, and I would not want to, as this could cripple you in life, leaving you ineffective and unable to survive in adulthood. Stuck in child hood forever as you never had to take control of yourself. It was always done for you. So good or bad, like me, you have to choose your path. I can only hope to guide you and hopefully give you the right tools through our life together to make wise decisions.

I want to watch you grow into a fine young man that does yourself and your family proud. You have it in your grasp, but some where it has gotten buried in immediate pleasure and lack of compassion. And I am not accusing you. I am being honest. I know how hard it has been for you. This has been a rough year. It has been a big change, but a change for the better I can only hope. I think we are happier and not as much in conflict as we where before. It has not been easy on me holding this all together, for all four of us. I have only tried to do the best I can. It was the hardest thing I ever did. I am in charge now, where before I did not have to worry about it all. But we have made it this far, with food on our plates, clothes on our backs, and shelter over our heads. We are a family. I love you all. That is what drives me.

You have to try to be part of this. In a constructive way. I want to teach you how to show your love, not just in saying I love you but in the little things you do. Taking out the garbage is a way to say I bless you with my love. Doing a little thing like wiping something down is a way of doing it. Giving your grandmother a hug and telling her you are sorry for all the worry you have caused her. That would go far. Without her we would be I do not know where. The only thing that matters to her is us. Do not disrespect her by not taking care of her. Her time is growing shorter and you will regret it all your life if you do not show her this now. Beleive me I know. Do not do things now that will haunt you with your conscience for the rest of your life. And know that in this life there is a law of Karma. What ever you do to others will be returned to you threefold.

I have many things in my life I have done. When you are a man I will share this with you. Suffice it to say, whatever you do I will eventully figure it out, becaus I have been there. And I have chosen to be a better person for it. I have made the decision to be honest and true to my character, without disrespecting others or myself. I have explored philosophy and religions, looked into what comes beyond this day to day life. It is a life long journey you are just starting. I will help you if you wish. I beleive we are born to parents to help our souls advance, or to help theirs. There is a grand plan out there, my son, but we only see little pieces at a time.

This is why I am writing this to you. I wish you to always stop and think before acting. It only takes a second, and could make a big difference in what you do. You know how a hurtful word can harm someone, lord knows it has been done to you. Treat others with love and respect. This will never lead you wrong. Some one smaller than you is more easily hurt. You might not know it but a push or a shove could harm or hurt because you are a big guy. Just like a careless word, or thoughtless act.

You have a deep soul, I saw it in your eyes the day you where born. An old soul. Get in touch with that, and listen to your Guardian angel. They will never lead you wrong. Try to tap into that wisdom that is hardwired into you. You have lost touch with that. Slow down and do not go so quickly, life will follow your timetable. And as a wise man once told me, just know that "never and I mean NEVER let anyone take away your personal values, character and integrity. Remember, Nothing remains the same. All things change. Where you are now will change! I guarantee it. Why? Because nothing remains the same! If you can truely accept this idea then you can look to change as a comfort."

Just remember you are part of my heart and my soul. I always will love you, no matter what happens. I will always be the mum that rocked you when you where a baby and comforted you when you where sick. Kept you clean and warm and loved. I have to let you go now to become a man, and not doing things for you is part of this, whether you realize this or not. And shows as much love as when you where a baby. When you are a parent maybe you will understand. Just be the best you can be. That is all I ask. Do not give up or say you do not care. This is not a rehearsel. This is life.

I will always be here to talk to if you wish. Even just write to me. I know it is hard to talk sometimes.

And remember you are Loved.

Your Mum.

[Empress Smoker]

Oh Angel, I hope your son saw and sees how much you love him. You truly are a Angel, your a loving wonderful Mummy.

[jangel]

Originally Posted by mysmokie

Oh Angel, I hope your son saw and sees how much you love him. You truly are an Angel, your a loving wonderful Mummy.

No mysmokie, he does not yet understand. We are working our way back to each other but no, he does not understand. Someday though. I pray. Meanwhile I have it boxed up, on a shelf, in God's hands.

[pine boy]

All you can do is love them.Nice letter,He will appriciate the love someday.

[Pappy]

jangel,

Yes, you are an angel. Your son knows he is loved, very much, by you. He will eventually come around and realize what he needs to do.

I have a stepson that I didn't think would survive the world. He surprised us by spending about 10 years in the National Guard, then getting married, having a son of his own, and is a generally happy, well rounded person. I also have a daughter who is graduating from High School, June 1st. She had both of us, from day 1, and is quite well prepared for college and life in general. But, we are still just as concerned with her as with her brother.

I hope your son soon realizes what a great person his mother is.

Pappy

[Hobo]

"Sayin' i love you is not the words i want to hear from you, its not that i want you not to say... but if you only knew how easy it would be to show me how you feel... more than worrrrds"

-Extreme
LOL

nice letter jangel

[ClosetDWC]

I think he will come around it seems you understand the choices he faces in life and the advice is wise but as a young adult life seems much more dramatic then it has to be.
keep the fram of mind from this letter and he will come back around and gain sense it just takes awhile for some kids to mature into adulthood.

[jangel]

You never know what life will throw at you. My wonderful man has not been feeling well the last few days. He went to the hospital and would not let me go with him. He had had a small heart attack. I have been waiting to here all day, walking back and forth, pacing, not wanting to go far from the phone. He left at 9:30 and now it is 4. He has just now called. I am sitting here alone, wondering what do I do now? What can I do?

What do you do when life pulls the rug out from under you? I just cry. I don't know what to do. I am freaking out. What can anyone do? pray I guess. I am not a religous person. I believe in a higher power, and I believe in the spirit. I believe and pray that that higher power would not do this to us. We have worked so hard... For our new life together, and now this. What can I do?

I don't know what to do..

[pine boy]

Take a breath lady and ask for things to go well.Then if you can and he's still at the hospital ,go to him.Even if he told you not to go.I'm fairly certain he would want you with him.I would

Your man made a very good choice by getting help. He left you at home to stay with your mom and to rest in your own bed.

This is how it's going to play out. He got help in time, they will fix his problem and he will come back home soon. Until then Jangel do what you do best. Center yourself and pray. Good thoughts from you, me and everyone else at GP will find their way to him.

He did not want you hanging out for hours or days at the hospital feeling no more impowered than you do now. Smart guy this man of yours. Know that he's ok and is getting better as we speak. When he's able he will back home to his Angel.

[Empress Smoker]

Angel, You have been there for so many of us when we needed you. Know you are not alone. My prayes and heart are with you girl. I hope you can feel the big big hug I am sending you.

[jangel]

He will be okay! He called late last night and tried to talk me into believing he did not have to quit smoking! He was laughing and in no pain and ready to come home. I am taking this as a major warning and we will go from there.

Everyone, hug the ones you love because you never know when life will take them from you. It can happen in the blink of an eye. I always make sure when my loved ones go out the door I tell them I love them. I have done this for years, as you never know, you might never have the chance again.

Thank you for all your support. I really love you guys.

[jangel]

Miricles do happen! My son called me today and asked me to send him this letter. He is thinking and it is working!!! Keep the faith peeps! Keep the faith! What does not kill us, makes us stronger!!!!! (I should be Shefield steel by now! LOL!)

Great letter JAngel, Everyone goes through the lifes learning curves at different speeds, some catch on quicker than others. One day he will wake up and it will be like a light switch was turned on..

My parents were great too me, always allowed me to make my own choices, but with that responsibility came with owning up to the results from my choices. Most were good and some were bad, but my parents were always there too help guide me if I needed it, not bail me out. I think that helped me be a better, wiser and more mature person...

Sounds like you are alot like my folks were... Lucky kid..

Sock

[ileso]

hi jangel,

that was really beautiful.
i reckon hell get the message one day, eventually we all do.

[four two zero]

This is a letter that I wish MY mother would write to me! As I was reading it I literally felt the same emotion and even though I have no idea what the circumstances are I feel like I know them all too well.

Trust me...coming from a young man, we tend to connect most with our fathers and feel almost stripped of our masculinity in situations where our mother is taking an authoritarian role. But he still loves you...probably more then you'll ever even imagine. He is just not showing it, he probably tends to hide his emotions. This is a defense mechanism in order for him to keep his pride as a man and feel strong enough to make it on his own. He will soon realize that this is not the case and it's only a matter of time before he breaks down and opens up to you. I promise.

Your letter is exactly what it needs to be and then some. You're doing the right thing and only time is in between reconnecting with your son. The universe tends to unfold as it should.

[s33ds209]

wow i wish my mom would talk to me or at least write a letter telling/showing me how much she loves me!! i never got that from my mom growing up!! from all the sons in the world Thank You!!

[jangel]

This has been a long journey for this young man, and it is not over yet. He has lived on the streets and in shelters for months as anyone that took him in took the chance he would steal from them. I cannot have him here, he is damaging to my daughter. He has been violent to her, stolen from her, defames and destroys her self confidence. All her young life she has lived in his shadow, as the child with needs had to come first. Doctor after doctor, med after med, treatment after treatment, to no avail. If he had not be out of here for a few years, she would not at all be who she is now, a fine young woman, with a strong moral core and a beautiful fine humour and strength.

My heart breaks for him, each and every day. He still does not get it. I feel so lost as to how to help him. He now has a room in a boarding house. We set him up with dishes, all the household things you need to be in a place, sheets towels, furniture, etc. And then we went to see him a couple weeks later, all was still in the contianers we brought them in. He has appointments to get help, he does not go to them. He is stuck in one spot and blames the world and most especailly his parents.
He has pchsycosis the doctors say. He was in the hospital, but they could only keep him for 72 hrs and then he signed himself out because he could not smoke. Against all advice. Each day I try to put this on the shelf and let go and let God. It is very hard.

It is so hard to see a silver lining to this black black cloud. I fear someday they will call to let me know he is dead.

What can we do? ...what can anyone ever do if the person they want to help will not take it.

...it is very hard.

pray for him.

[Capt america]

After reading this thread I feel that your son and I have a lot in common at one point in time. When I was young I was angry all the time. I joined the army and found my self in somlia my expiriances there changed me for ever. My NCO's gave me the mentorship I needed and desired. I felt for the fist time in my life as if I was part of some thing bigger than me. I learned to care about others before my self. Does he have a social group that he identifies with? Well at any account please know that my prayer are out for your son and you!

[jangel]

Well, right now he has been in touch with the Mental health association and unfortunatly he is also on probation. Now it seems he has gotten himself in jail for failing to appear at court and also failing to appear at his probation officers. He has had everything arranged for him, doctors appointments, meetings etc, and just does not go to them. He has no choice now, it seems and no one can get him out now. it basically comes down to you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.

Thank you for your kindness

Peace