Bipolar,medical research and Personal Stories

[Deb-HAS-grn]

My story is not unusual, but yet at the same time I say that,, from what I have seen and the personal stories I have read, I think each person with bipolar is slightly different from one another, just the same as each personality is uniquely it’s own…

--When to contact a doctor
Call your health provider or an emergency number right away if:

• You are having thoughts of death or suicide
• You are experiencing severe symptoms of depression or mania
• You have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and your symptoms have returned or you are having any new symptoms

--I am hoping this thread can be an informative place for people who think they may have bipolar but have not been diagnosed yet as to why their depression has ruled a large part of their life. If we share our stories, if we share interesting medical information on this subject and MOST OF ALL give our support to those of us who struggle living a life with a mental illness like bipolar and other related disorders…

--Bipolar disorder

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia....

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depressive disorder, manic depression or bipolar affective disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood clinically referred to as maniahypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. These episodes are usually separated by periods of "normal" mood, but in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, known as rapid cycling. Extreme manic episodes can sometimes lead to psychotic symptoms such as delusions and hallucinations. The disorder has been subdivided into bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymia, and other types, based on the nature and severity of mood episodes experienced; the range is often described as the bipolar spectrum. or, if milder, continued...Bipolar disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

--My Story
I’d like to tell my personal story, and please,, I don’t want sympathies, I just want to be of help to just one person, I want this to be of help to me. I want to know more about this disorder, I want to hear some of the other survivors tell their story.

--Growing up I knew I was different but of course didn’t know why at the age of five was I depressed, I didn’t even know it was depression and neither did my parents, All I remember knowing is I was sad, I had periods of crying a lot, guess I just thought it was normal, horrible feeling but normal in a childs mind.. My parents had no idea what to do, what to say, no one knew what to do with me, So they left me alone and I lived my life holding it all inside, telling no one how sad I was, telling no one I wanted to kill myself at the age of sixteen. I had never told anyone about my first thought of suicide until much later in years. My first experience with wanting to end it all was when my first son was six months old. Like I said I was only sixteen, I was having another period of deep depression with no how or no one to turn to and no were to run,, Until one night,, I was driving alone down Ohio ST. heading towards the outskirts of who knows were. All I could feel was pain, I didn’t want to live like this anymore, So what better way to end it all then to just take this car and me over the bridge, I would at least be out of my pain,,, But just before I put my foot to the gas peddle, thoughts of my son came rushing through me.. It was my child and the thought of leaving him alone that saved me that night, Later in years it would be thoughts of my now all four kids that would keep me strong enough to know I better go get help before I have no control over this wanting to die…. Since that night thirty seven years ago I had three more episodes with thoughts of suicide. Each and every time it was worse then the time before and it was visions of my kids that kept me alive…

My life as someone with severe depression with the ups and downs, the alcohol and prescription abuse, and the isolation I created to protect my secret from the rest of the world, All of this didn’t just affect me, it has affected my childrens lives,,, They don’t know a so called normal life with mommy and daddy, They lived a life with a single full time mom who was crazy and created crazy episodes and a mom who also had more sad times then high times,, nothing was ever normal… I feel I was sent these four beautiful children to keep me alive and get me to this point in time.. With all the crap I created, they still love me,, they have always been there for me during my depressions, I can’t imagine being a child that has to worry about their mom like that,, I can’t imagine being an adult of a loved one that is severely depressed… That is another thing that has gotten me to get the desperately needed help when I have been so horribly depressed for so long,,, I would be thinking what it is doing to the people around me.. It isn’t fare to them if I didn’t do something about this lifeless life I was living..

But I didn’t always go get help,,, I would try to fake it, hide the pain I was in,, I would say to myself Fake It Till You Make It,, well with bipolar or severe depression, it just isn’t that simple, fake it till you make it doesn’t work…. So most of us, most of the time shut the door, throw away the key and keep it all inside of us until we hit rock bottom…

So I and my family lived that life, My mom and dad, sisters and brother never understood me and my hell.. I am sure we all have heard,,,, OH SNAP OUT OF IT, GET UP, PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE, JUST SNAP OUT OF IT,,,, well it just wasn’t that easy people,, but you know something,, not even I knew why it couldn’t be that easy,, why couldn’t I be strong enough to snap out of it,, It was all my fault, I wasn’t trying hard enough,, Yes even I didn’t understand,,,

Not until three years ago that is. Because I had mentally gotten so bad along with my physical disabilities, I had no choice but to stop work and go for disability benefits, It was then that I finally was given health insurance so I could get some much needed over due medical help.. I had gotten really bad with depression at this time so I went to a psychiatrist, It was then that I finally had a name to what had been controlling my life, I was BIPOLAR, it all made seance now,, My kids said the same thing… I knew now what to watch out for when heading into one of those very low times and very high times,,,

Now was the journey to getting me on the right meds.. And that took at least a year or more. I have been doing much better, Oh I still have my depressed times, more often then anyone would like, but they are not life threatening… I do get very scared though when I am heading into a deep depression, I fear it will never end and I have great fear that the black hole will consume me and I will never return, But I am lucky to have a good doctor, on the right meds for the time being and I am more aware of how I take care of myself… I know there will come a day when they will have to mess around with my meds again as that is the way it goes with most if not all with bipolar, eventually your current meds stop doing it’s job and you have to find the right mix again… I hate being on prescription meds but with bipolar, for right now, it is needed….. It is saving my life….

My name is Deb, I am surviving with bipolar….


--Red Flags: Symptoms of


Bipolar Disorder in Children

To understand the symptoms of early-onset bipolar disorder in children, it's helpful to look at the problems a child known as Randy is having. An endearing five year-old boy with an engaging smile, he has a history of tempestuous behavior that has followed him since infancy. He is bright, articulate, a fast learner - and as unpredictable as a tornado. From the time he cut his first tooth, he began biting - often drawing blood. At one and a half years old, Randy was dismissed from pre-school for aggressive behavior. He consistently scores high marks for academics, but has a string of "needs improvement" comments in all areas of behavior. He is loving, cuddling, wanting to be held one minute; screaming and raging with veins bulging from his neck the next.... continued...
http://bipolar.about.com/cs/kids_diag/a/red_flags4.htm

Granny Storm Crow's List July 2009
BIPOLAR DISORDER.....Granny has lots of info here on bipolar and it's relationship with medical marijuana...

http://www.greenpassion.org/f57/gran...-2009-a-16438/

The Use of Cannabis as a Mood Stabilizer in Bipolar Disorder: Anecdotal Evidence and the Need for Clinical Research
The Use of Cannabis as a Mood Stabilizer in Bipolar Disorder

Cannabinoids in bipolar affective disorder: a review and discussion of their therapeutic potential.
Cannabinoids in bipolar affective disorder: a revi...[J Psychopharmacol. 2005] - PubMed Result

Cannabis in bipolar
Bipolar Disorder Daily News Blog: Cannabis in bipolar

Recipe For Trouble (anecdotal)
Recipe For Trouble - 48 Hours - CBS News

The effect of extreme marijuana use on the long-term course of bipolar I illness: a single case study.
Clinical Studies and Case Reports


Like I said, I am on prescription meds along with my use of marijuana,, I will continue to add what it is I am on for meds and information I can find about these meds and other meds that are used for the bipolar patient..

If you have a story of your own or know of someone in your life who has affected you in a way good or bad, please do share with us if you are comfortable enough to do so,,, Our stories are just as much help to one another as is the medical information we can find for bipolar and related disorders..... Thank you for being here,,

[XBRPete]

I will watch this thread with great interest, your journey is amazing in its honesty. My darling wife has had a similar lifeline with the bottom 3 years ago when she was commited by an inept Dr. when she was seeking change in the myriad of depression meds she was "trying".

My lady is a RN and knew the signs and took what she thought was appropriate action. Her bouts in the depressed side were incredibly hard to bear by all in the family but we knew she was seeking help.

When I questioned the rationale behind commitment for a med professional seeking adjustment of meds with no suicidal thoughts ( she told the Dr. at the clinic that she had thoughts of suicide 15 years ago but no such thoughts were being considered ) the Pysch told me his diagnosis was correct. I told him that I had no respect for his skills as a physician or as a person. I used no curse words and did not raise my voice. He had security remove me from the facility....


It took me over a week to get a lawyer and have her released. It seems in NY when ANY med professional makes even a thought that the patient may be suicidal then they may be commited without any recourse or discussion for a minimum of 15 days. I compared the Psychs assesment skills to that of a baboon. I was urged to sue but did not wish to revisit the involuntary incarceration but I guarantee I still have words for the Psych....

Meds are adjusted with a new and caring mental health pro and the good days FAR outweigh the bad for the past year.

My bride is now on disability but she is better and I will take the good days with the bad ...


Deb, best of luck in your pursuit of happiness...

Pete

[Itinkso]

wow...debs...what a courageous post ,although i know you won't think so!!
this really helps people like me who have no direct experience of mental issues understand so much more...i salute you for your strength and you endurance....you are clearly a strong person and i am hounoured to call you my friend!!

thankyou debs

[Deb-HAS-grn]

Your story touches me,, All the best for your wife, and bless you for being such wonderful support for her,,All to often the pshch profession has it bad rules and doctors,, After writing this there are a lot of memories that are coming out..

Back before they properly diagnosed me with the bipolar, it was always anti depressant pills they would put me on,, which I have found out can make your bipolar worse.. And some of these anti depressants put me in a state of no emotion at all, I couldn't even develop tears when it was a reasonable time to cry,,,

I too was voluntarily committed during a time when I needed to save myself from destruction.. They made no progress with me, they flat out told me they didn't know what to do with or for me,, But they did say I could do the shock treatment and see if that would work on my brain,,,, Well I remember every second of that moment,, Sitting there at a table, doctors on the other side facing me telling me this,, I stood up and said,, I feel like I am sitting in the middle of One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest and I walked out never going back, not getting the help I needed... I have since learned and have since talked to those who had been picked at with this shock treatment,,, So many have lost parts of their mind and personality,,, As a caregiver back then, I had taken care of some of these people I talk of,, it is their families who would have to talk for them and the stories are so scary.... Even in this day and age there are still hora storys happening every day.....

[Deb-HAS-grn]

Thank you Tracey,,, There was a time I would never of told my story,, I still have left so much out, some that I have forgotten and some I am totally embarrassed of my actions,,,

[DavesNotHere]

Deb, thank you so much for sharing your story, and starting this thread! So many things are falling into place for me, the more I explore GP. The medicinal value of cannabis is so vast, it's even greater than the misinformation and demonization of mainstream society.

What I would add is that cannabis is also medicine for those who live with people with mental illness that refuse treatment. In my case, it was my adoptive mother, who's own mother was a rampaging alcoholic. My adoptive mother did better for herself, but still will not admit that she has a Borderline Personality Disorder, which has wrecked so many relationships over the years (divorce, estrangement, etc.). Throughout the years, cannabis helped me to deal with her abuse and capricious behavior, and to find a peace of mind where I could move forward positively in my life.

I'll also add my brief experience with antidepressants; in the aftermath of 9/11, I was living in NYC, and was very depressed by a combination of pressures, and so I started seeing a school therapist who put me on Effexor. Short story, it numbed away all feelings, but made me feel worse, not better. Ironically, I thought taking antidepressants would be better for me than weed! I stopped taking them, and went back to smoking weed, which has always been my drug of choice.

Nowadays, i'm just depressed about the lies and deceptions that mainstream society operates under--it makes me sad and angry to see so many good people who follow what they are told, and end up nowhere or worse. It always makes me think of a quote from Animal House, where Otter throws his arm around Flounder, as they drag away Flounder's brother's car that the guys trashed:

'You fucked up. You trusted us.'

This is true for so many people, because they don't have the independence, strength or means to buck the system. I'm very thankful to have made it to the other side in my life, and i'm very happy to have found GP, which has a very noble mission to help spread healing and truth. Thank you for your sharing and caring, people!

-Dave
(not here)

[v0ssman]

Thank you so very much Deb! Ive fought with Bi Polar my entire life...on my own; So thank you for posting this information. Ill have to light up a bowl and coax myself to write up my own personal battle. Cannabis truly is a medicinal tool.

[Deb-HAS-grn]

Hi Dave and thank you,, When you talked of your stepmom and her mom, what entered my mind is my Grandmother, Looking back and seeing how sad and depressed she always was, and remembering the stories from my mom saying how abusive and crazy grandma was when my mom was growing up,, I just know Grandma was bipolar too,,, It has only been recently that the medical field has done more work and has excepted bipolar, so Gram had to live her whole life in this misery and do alone because no one would deal with her, no one would be supportive... As an adult I could see that I could tend to act like Gram,, Not knowing what was wrong with either one of us but knew I didn't want to be a bad mom, I didn't want to be like Gram... So I paid attention to my self and how I related to my kids and others,, I refused to let myself be the same abusive miserable woman Gram was,,My family history has mental illnesses but back in the day no one understood anyone and all they would do is put down the relative that had mental break downs or odd behavior... Even till this day, I have relatives who do not except that there is anything wrong with me,, In their minds I was just this rebel who didn't know or wouldn't live her life the so called right way.....

[Deb-HAS-grn]

Originally Posted by v0ssman

Thank you so very much Deb! Ive fought with Bi Polar my entire life...on my own; So thank you for posting this information. Ill have to light up a bowl and coax myself to write up my own personal battle. Cannabis truly is a medicinal tool.

vOssman, there are many many more who like us has bipolar,, Sad but it is a fact,, We all have a wild rollercoaster past.. I am grateful you shared this with us,, And when you are ready I would love to read your story... Thank you vOssman

[Deb-HAS-grn]

written by, Cristina C. Fender
Posted on Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar
Bipolar and Medical Marijuana | Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar


Wow, it’s been a rough and wonderful few weeks. My article on Health.com on Life as a Bipolar Mom was featured on CNN and it got a lot of buzz. Some of it was good and some of it was bad. I didn’t figure in the stigma of Bipolar Disorder until it was too late, but I’m glad that I came out of the ‘Bipolar Closet’.


A while ago I told my family. It was difficult then, too. It was hard to have a conversation about my diagnosis by three different doctors with parents that don’t believe in mental illness. My father asked what Bipolar Disorder was about. After I told him that it’s a mental disease that alternates between the highs of mania and the lows of depression he was silent. My mother, on the other hand, gave me a load of crap on how it was just a label that the doctors were trying to place on me and I needed to ignore them. I told my best friend of over ten years and she promptly asked me questions about my medications and she’s since stated that she’s worried that I take too many of them. I told my Unitarian Universalist church group and they were supportive, mainly because many of them are educated and liberal.



There’s such a horrible stigma attached to Bipolar. It’s not enough that we have to try and live our everyday lives as normally as we possibly can. We’re bombarded in the media, too. When a celebrity comes out of the closet it is with shock and taboo. Look at the media blitz that occurred when Britney Spears was hospitalized with her disorder. Since then she’s tried to maintain a lower profile while trying to deal with her disorder and regain rights to her children. She’s proven that she, like many others with the disorder, can regain stability in her illness. This doesn’t mean that she won’t relapse. Unfortunately, it’s tougher for her becase the media will be there, too, when it happens.



I believe that it’s imperative to our journey to mental stability to come out of the closet anyway. It may be a hard road to travel, but I think it helps you grow. Hearing some ridiculous taunts and advice may be difficult to hear, but I think it helps, too. Most of the advice that I’ve received has been aimed at the medications that I take. I’ve heard everything about homeopathic remedies and that getting off my medications would be the best thing for me. While some of the advice is well intentioned, I also feel that some of it is self-serving. These people don’t know me. They don’t know what it’s like to be in my body and experience hallucinations or suicidal thoughts. They don’t know how horrible I feel when I cry that my life is not what I wanted it to be before my diagnosis. I wanted to be a writer or a lawyer. Now I feel that those dreams can’t be accomplished. These people don’t know how defeated I feel sometimes.



But when you come out of the Bipolar closet, you don’t do it for them. You do it for you. You do it to prove to yourself that you are worthy, even if they don’t agree with you. You do it to fight the stigma out there. You are a normal person, even if you’re a little tainted by a mental illness. You’re still you. You do it to educate the person standing next to you so hopefully they will learn to understand that this is a disease of the mind, not of the soul.

[Deb-HAS-grn]

Types of Bipolar Disorder



Bipolar disorder is an illness of yo-yoing moods. People who have it cycle between feeling very high and very low. Treatment can help level their moods out and prevent some of the damaging effects of the illness.
There are four general mood types:

• Mania, a very "high," energetic mood. During a manic episode people with bipolar may talk nonstop, sleep very little and feel powerful and unbeatable. They may be impulsive and make poor judgments. They may also be irritable and get angry quickly. At its most severe, mania can cause delusions or hallucinations.
• Hypomania, a less severe form of mania. People in a hypomanic episode may feel very upbeat, energized and productive. To others they may just seem to be in a really good mood. This state usually can't be maintained for long. It either escalates into mania or crashes into depression.
• Depression. People with bipolar depression feel sad, hopeless and worthless. They may sleep a lot but still feel tired all the time. They lose interest in things they used to enjoy. They may also move and speak slowly and gain weight.
• Mixed episode, which is a combination of low mood and high energy. So a person could feel depressed but also be agitated, anxious, irritable and sleepless.

In most people, episodes last for a few weeks or months. They may have periods of normal mood between episodes.
Types of bipolar disorder
People with bipolar vary widely in how severe their moods are, how often they change and how disabling they are. The basic types of bipolar disorder are:

• Bipolar I. People withbipolar I have had one or more manic episodes or mixed episodes and at least one major depressive episode. This is the classic and most severe form of bipolar disorder, with extreme manic episodes.
• Bipolar II. People with bipolar II don't have full-blown manic episodes. Instead, they cycle between hypomania and severe depression.This type of bipolar is sometimes mistaken for major depression.
• Cyclothymia. People with cyclothymia have a milder form of the disorder. They have moods that swing between hypomania and mild depression, and have lasted for at least two or more years.
• Not otherwise specified (NOS). People whose mood patterns don't fit those listed above may be diagnosed with bipolar disorder NOS.

Rapid cycling is diagnosed when a person has four or more episodes of mania, hypomania or depression in any 12-month period. This can occur in any type of bipolar disorder. In some people mood changes occur every few days or even every few hours.
The wide variation in types can make it hard to diagnose bipolar disorder correctly. Determining the type of bipolar is important because it helps guide treatment decisions.

I have Bipolar 2,, Throughout my life I have spent more time being depressed then I have with the manic times.... When I am too low, I worry,, When I am too high I worry too as I know the next mood swing is depression, My manic times lead me to this depression....... Deb

[Deb-HAS-grn]

What causes bipolar disorder?
Experts aren't sure what causes it, but they think it results from imbalances in hormones or brain chemicals. It often runs in families, so there may be a genetic link as well. A person may inherit the risk for bipolar. Stress or a negative event such as a death in the family may trigger its onset. But often there is no clear event that triggers the illness.

What happens if bipolar is not treated?
Bipolar is a chronic, usually lifelong condition. If it's not treated, it tends to get worse. People with bipolar are at higher-than-normal risk for alcohol and drug abuse and suicide.

[Deb-HAS-grn]

Mental illness: myth versus fact

In many cases, fear of stigma keeps people from getting the treatment they need to get well. This can take a terrible toll, raising the risk of substance abuse, disability and suicide.

Here are some common myths that may be used to justify negative feelings about people with mental illness:

• Myth: Mental illness is fairly rare and doesn't affect average people.
• Fact: Mental illness is quite common. According to the American Psychiatric Association, one in five Americans suffer from a mental disorder in any given year. Mental illness can strike people of any age, race, religion or income status.
• Myth: People with mental illnesses are dangerous.
• Fact: This powerful myth has been fed by the media. In fact, the vast majority of people with mental illnesses are not dangerous. They are much more likely to be the victims of violence and crime than the perpetrators.
• Myth: Mental illness is more like a weakness than a real illness.
• Fact: Mental illnesses are as real as other diseases like diabetes or cancer. Some mental illnesses are inherited, just as some physical illnesses are. They are not the result of a weak will or a character flaw.
• Myth: People with mental illnesses can never be normal.
• Fact: Science has made great strides in the treatment of mental illness in recent decades. With proper treatment, many people with mental illnesses live normal, productive lives.

How you can fight stigma
We can all do our part to reduce stigma and make life easier for the millions of people who struggle with mental illness. Here are some ideas:
1. Educate yourself about mental illness. Having the facts can help you challenge the misinformation that leads to stigma.
2. Be aware of words. Don't reduce people to a diagnosis. Instead of "a schizophrenic," say "a person with schizophrenia." Correct people who use hurtful language to describe people with mental illness, such as "psycho" or "crazy."
3. Challenge media stereotypes. Write letters to any newspapers, TV or radio stations that promote negative portrayals of people with mental illness.
4. Support those with mental health issues. Treat them with respect. Help them find jobs or housing. Encourage them to get or stick with treatment.
5. Share your story. If you or someone in your family has had a mental illness, speak up about it. Your example could help someone else.