The Original Hollywood Squares ~ The Comics ~ LOL!

jangel

The Original Hollywood Squares...


If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics?
These questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are
now.



Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde : If you hold their little heads under water long
enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you be?
A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette) : Three days of steady
drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a
man or
a woman?
A. Don Knotts : That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you
think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
married?
A. Rose Marie : No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver : My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love
You'?
A. Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a
twenty.


Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter,
and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going
to
get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver : Of course not, I'm too busy growing
strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie : Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde : Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the
bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose do?
A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A. Paul Lynde : Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the
dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting
into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver : It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is
it?
A. Paul Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't
neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head,
what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
your
elephant?
A. Paul Lynde : Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver : His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never
do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde : Point and laugh.

And if you did not laugh at any of these, there has got to be something wrong with ya!

Peace

__________________
Life,
j-angel


My Little Grow LST'ing w/Hardware

My Outdoor Odyssey 2008 BONSAI MUMS

Cloning a Flowering Plant My Little Grow Blueberry

Sock

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth
to?
A. Paul Lynde : Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the
dark.

,,, Great stuff Jangel...LoL

Sock

eltone

What a treat, thanks jangel. It helped relieve my sudden depression when I found out my medicine didn't arrive. This month is our state fair and the police are out in full force . But as they say, "This too shall pass." Peace, Love and Freedom to all

__________________
"Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye could see."---Thomas Jefferson- 1781

jangel

Glad I could help some way, Eltone.
Peace, babes, and hope it gets better..

__________________
Life,
j-angel


My Little Grow LST'ing w/Hardware

My Outdoor Odyssey 2008 BONSAI MUMS

Cloning a Flowering Plant My Little Grow Blueberry

barrelhse

I recall seeing Oscar Levant being asked what he does for exercise: "I stumble a little bit and fall into a coma."

__________________
I'm just average, common, too
I'm just like him, the same as you.

Jimmyspaz

Louis Armstrong on the "Tonight Show"
Johnny-" Louis, do you think marijauna is addctive?"
Louis-"No, Johnny. Ive been smokin' it every day for fifty years, and I ain't addicted!"

__________________
http://www.ThePotLawHasFallen.ca
"What,Me Worry?"

eltone

Good one, and so true. As, in the 30's and 40's the drugs of choice were alcohol and nicotine. However politicans remain the same as Oscar so eloquently puts it, " A Politician is a man that will double cross that bridge when he comes to it." Google "Oscar Levant" for his quotes. Notice how it was normal to refer to a politician as "He." Even though, after 100 years of political brainstorming, congress was forced to give women the right to vote, I say forced because it was an all male/white crowd, and they didn't want to give that up. This is the same type of prejudice we suffer from today with the unwarranted propaganda against Cannabis. I was informed that the word "Marijuana" is slang for Cannabis. Therefore cannabis is politically correct . Anyway thanks again, they are even funnier after I got my med yesterday.

__________________
"Some of my finest hours have been spent on my back veranda smoking hemp and observing as far as my eye could see."---Thomas Jefferson- 1781