Translate GreenPassion (powered by Google) | Shoot the Breeze Kick back, fire one up, and shoot the breeze... just hope it doesn't shoot back! | 
10-25-2009, 09:22 PM
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Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
___________________________________________ Still think you're having a bad day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business. About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
______________________________________________ Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
_____________________________________________ Still think you are having a bad day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
_______________________________________________ STILL think you're having a bad day?
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
____________________________________________ What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better? | | The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to jangel For This Useful Post: | | 
10-25-2009, 10:05 PM
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i know that it is bad karma to find pleasure in others misfortune, and i feel srry for them, not the absent-minded terrorist though, but i'm sorry, my sides are hurting. it took a few minutes just to post this! LMAO
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10-25-2009, 10:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Sprocket i know that it is bad karma to find pleasure in others misfortune, and i feel srry for them, not the absent-minded terrorist though, but i'm sorry, my sides are hurting. it took a few minutes just to post this! LMAO | I know! When I first read it I was siting here laughing my head off ~! My dogs where looking at me like I was nuts!
I don't know what it says about the human condition, but someone else's pain is funny! That poor guy with the motorocyle, exploding toilet, fall out of the gurney thing! OH my word!
and this is supposed to be true too!
Peace
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10-25-2009, 10:16 PM
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i lost it at the wife nailin the husband thinking he was getting shocked!
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10-25-2009, 10:17 PM
|  | Call Me 430 | | Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: The Gr8t White North
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I feel good today. I'm glad I don't scuba dive anymore. Yikes poor fella.
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10-25-2009, 10:18 PM
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Originally Posted by I8ntLucky_UR I feel good today. I'm glad I don't scuba dive anymore. Yikes poor fella. | I am glad I NEVER scuba dived! LOL!
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10-25-2009, 10:21 PM
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you know the husband got some free passes after she smashed him like that!
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10-25-2009, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Sprocket you know the husband got some free passes after she smashed him like that! | Always seeing the brighter side of things. LOL
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10-25-2009, 10:37 PM
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There is one I posted oh...maybe a year ago in jokes etc about a guy checking out a stun gun? kind of reminds me of that one...you know it is going to happen, but ya just can't help laughing!
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10-25-2009, 11:15 PM
|  | GP Design Team | | Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Amerika
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Originally Posted by jangel Having a bad day? What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better? | karma is a motherf**ker!
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10-25-2009, 11:17 PM
|  | GP Design Team | | Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Amerika
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Originally Posted by jangel There is one I posted oh...maybe a year ago in jokes etc about a guy checking out a stun gun? kind of reminds me of that one...you know it is going to happen, but ya just can't help laughing! |
jangel, do you have the link, these are too good!
__________________  "Protect the children of the poor, punish the wrongdoer." "Why am I a vigilante? Because the system is f**ked." | 
10-25-2009, 11:45 PM
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10-26-2009, 11:29 PM
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Here is one but it is not the one I was thinking of...I will look more.. Funniest thing I have read in a while!
OH I found it! Pocket Taser Stun Gun
There are a ton in the jokes forum....but bring pampers! LOL!
Or I guess depends! LOL!
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