I dwell too much, perhaps I think too much, Maybe even worry too much. BUT................. I still have my dreams,love,friendship,hope, and I like to think I have a kind heart.
2004 ended up being my biggest nightmare.
I had been working for the same large construction equipment manufacturer since I graduated from SIU in 1989. I had been a Journeyman Tool and Die Maker/Draftsman for many years building Forge Press Molds and helping design the Tracks for the largest Bulldozers in the world. I'll refrain from using the name but I will say it's a Illinois based Co.
Anywho, I held this job until Jan, 2005 upon being placed on a permanent disability. I had been very sick and just couldnt get rid of the pains and cold and flu like symptoms for better than a month. I should have went in much earlier but I had been so involved in other things in our lives that I just assumed it would pass. Well one evening my alarm went off at 9pm(I worked night shift) to wake up and ready myself for work. As I rolled over to climb out of the bed I ended up on the floor writhing in pain from my right shoulder all the way into my leg. I managed to pull myself back up onto the bed using the bedpost and sat upright for about three minutes trying to catch my breath. Now i'm having breathing problems????????? My Wife was with relatives for the week so I was on my own. I decided to unwillingly call my Foreman and inform him I was going to the Hospital.
So I very slowly and painfully crawl out the door and into my Car and off I go to the ER. After playing that waiting game everyone loves they finally got me in to see me and two docs wanted CT scans. Other than inflamation the CTs came out clear but another doc asked me if he could go ahead and get an MRI just so he could rule out other "things" Needless to say that word isn't one of my favorites anymore. Anyway that MRI was the point of discovery of Progressive Terminal Lymphoma. Since then I have received three sessions of both Chemo and Radiation to no avail. Well,,,,,,,,,
This is what my nightmare consisted of and still haunts me when I do sleep.How long?????????????Why??????????Is it something I done wrong????????where does the rest of my life go from here?????????
Whispers............... For me GREENPASSION IS MY HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A whisper of shining hope for a seemingly hopeless life.
I would like to personally send out a massive Thank You to everyone involved in my life and the support of it at GP. Angels every one of you! Thank you for saving my life. What can I really say to show my appreciation. A huge hug at the Gathering this fall! That will be one massive group hug ya know. Cant wait to post those pix.LOL
Anyway just so you all know you help millions of people live the life they deserve just with friendship and kindness.
Thank you all each and every one of you at GP for being my true friends and support through this horrific mess.
I love you all and Peace!
Med & Wife
Sorry folks I forgot too mention that for the last 10 years I have also been Flying small Private Jets with a very good friend (my only one left outside of GP) Who owns an Executive Private Charter Buisiness.LOL Soon as i'm out of this dam wheelchair i'm back in the air he says.I had been trying to schedule my tests for my FAA license for Private Twin Engine class Copilot but after being diagnosed the FAA says NO DISABILITIES OF A PERMANENT NATURE!!!!! My friend says yeah ok.LOL Now that I have over 500 documented(tower & flight plan) hours.LOL Ahhhhhhhhhhh to live and love the good old U.S. LOL

I'm happy you feel that way. It sounds like you have to deal with alot of pain everyday, my prayers go out to you. I too have found peace and comfort in my family here at GP. We are all here on common ground, and freely share our ideas and stories, which is more than I can say for other sites where they verbally bash each other. I'm glad to have stumbled upon this little utopia on the web.

As I have said before, and will say again. In this fight to legalize and to help many by doing this, and even on this site:

Together, we are strong and can do much, alone, we are weak and are lost in the winds of life.

With love and compassion, all things are possible.

A few Christmases ago I gave my sweetie a little plaque. It says:

"If you dream alone, it is just a dream, if you dream together, it is reality!"

We are making our NEW reality, with everyone on board and working together for this dream. It might be slow, it might take years, but just with sheer numbers and love and compassion, we WILL do this. Like waves in the ocean, hitting an island, year afer year, we will wear down the resistance.

And M, YOU are what we are about. Helping EACH OTHER, and doing it together.

If we do it alone, it is a dream, if we do it together it is REALITY!

I will see you in the fall, My friend, in our new Reality!

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Life,
j-angel

aka GP purrie kittie attack cat!


My Little Grow LST'ing w/Hardware

My Outdoor Odyssey 2008 BONSAI MUMS

My Little Grow Indoor To Outdoor 2009

Thank you right back at you MC

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Hi Medicinecloset, God bless your heart and give you health! Wish you the best

I am very sorry that you have had such a time of it. :-( I don't like to see anyone suffer like that.

GreenPassion is a wonderful place to be. So many kind, caring people. I know they have seen me through some dark times as well. I wish you all the best. You're in my prayers.

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Why cant our world be full of people like everyone here. You guy's are what this world and living is all about. I hope you are all very proud of yourselves. You certainly should be as you are the best people in the world to me and my Wife.
Thanks again and Love U All,
Med

the answer to that question med, is that everyone on the planet has experienced pain, in some form or another some take that pain and use it to strengthen their resolve and compassion, while others turn bitter, and luckily we appear to have many more strong than bitter here. and love you too med. oh wait that may have been a rhetorical question aiy? lol

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they call me ishmael, and mobys music sucks. smile if you get it.

They will be able to see our Bonfire and our Hug from Outer Space

Hey Med.

Just wanted to drop by and offer some words of encouragement,
Because while i may not be in physical pain,
i have much pain,

And i agree, sometimes if it wasnt for the kind people at GP , i would be even more miserable,

I Hope the best for you, Hope that you get better.
While i cant relate to your physical pain, i do know that a good percentage of the pain is mental to.

So not only are you fighting physical pain,but also it's a struggle for your mind.

I Just wish you the best, and happiness, And just not let thing's get you down,

Yea you have alot of pains,
Yea you arent as young and vibrant as you used to be,
You might not cant get around good,

But you now what bro'?
Your a blessing or a help to someone,somewhere,

I'm all the way in North Carolina, And when i read this thread,
YOU
Were a blessing to me,!

My problems seem kinda short handed when you awake everyday with pain,and struggles just to move.

Keep your head up, and chin tucked for what life might throw at you,

If you've made it this far, You obviously have the will power,desire and motivation to keep it going!

Peace,

It just warms us so much to hear this MC.
Just to know you are feeling better is Thanks enough.
We just wish you had found us sooner.
I am HONORED to know you,and will help any way possible...
Gods speed on your recovery my friend.

Peace
and
Happy Trails

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Aging is GODs way of telling us there's no time to waste...

WAS MOSE'S REALLY SPEAKING TO A BURNING BUSH???
OR WAS IT ONLY SMOKING???

Like I said I cant even begin to come up with the words to say thank you for all you have done. Once again Thank you jonny and GP for everything!
I love You All!!!!!!!
Peace,
Med

Human compassion goes such a very long way. All it takes is a caring heart and soul.

It just sucks to see people suffer (constantly)