When responding to ilesos post,make the last 1 count,in my response I brought up the idea of unresolved issues with loved ones.I wrote that post due to something that happened to my family and I.I feel it is fitting for this situation and I wish to share it with you.I'm not gona go too far back in my history,it would take far to long,instead,I'm gona give you a general idea of the dynamics of our family.As long as I can remember there has always been drugs n alcohol in my life.I was born in the early 70s and grew up around men returning from Vietnam.They were a wild bunch to say the least,looking back,I can see why they self medicated themselves to alleviate the pain they musta felt.So,with that in mind,and for me that is when it all began and where I am today is the turning point.
As I wrote this letter in my journal,I had a picture of my sister in front of me.Cheryl was not my blood sister,however,I was closer to her than anyone in this world.Our worlds came together when we she was 10 and I was 12.Cheryl's mother had been killed by a drunk driver 1 year earlier(she told me once that the only that will forever haunt her was never getting the chance to tell her she loved her and to simply say, goodbye.)That event placed her in the care of her natural father,which in turn placed him and my mother together.Within a year they were married ,I had a new daddy and a baby sister.Over the years,Cheryl and I shared some of our most intimate feelings,deepest secrets as well as our triumphs.Even later in life we sought counsel from each other we could share anything with each other,to say the least,we were close.
In her early 20s Cheryl began to experiment with cocaine,and I have to say a whole different person emerged from that day forward.Cheryl had received a LARGE settlement from her mothers death and I'm not talking 100 k here.She had enough money to live a comfortable life and then some.Little did I know what started as a blessing turned into the ultimate aid in her path of self destruction.I watched helplessly,as she burned through hundreds of thousands of dollars,Homes,property,cars,furniture jewelry,you name it,it all ended up in the hands of drug dealers.We tried everything to help her,treatment centers,institutions,jails,locking her in a bedroom,heart to heart talks filled with pain and tears,begging on my hands and knees to stop.
It was all in vain.It had such a powerful grip on her,only Satan could be responsible for such a evil drug.Herein Ly's the what MAKE THE LAST ONE COUNT means to me.One of our last conversations we had together were not of good words.I had extended my self financially,emotionally,spiritually etc,for the last time.She had borrowed,begged and stole from me and my family habitually and we were at our ends.She had to go before she brought the rest of us down with her.Tuff Love.Again,my last words to her were out of anger,frustration and pain.And she walked out of our lives never to return.
It was 6 years later when we finally got word about her.Apparently she had obtained documents to change her identity,it was later learned that she was on the run from someone whom she was in fear of her life and her families safety as well as the police.We tried to find her over the years.The last place she used her real name was in a top notch treatment center in Arizona,a 2 year program which she walked out of after 6 months.She had graduated on to harder drugs,when they found her it was in the the report that she still had a methamphetamine pipe in her hand.In a low rent district, all alone in her apartment, she passed away.Not even a goodbye.
I was crushed, utterly devastated.I knew in the back of my mind that it was possible she was gone,however.you never want to believe it.I prayed for her often,hoping the phone would ring and it would be her saying she was ok.For 6 years that call never came.
As you can imagine I have been plagued with feelings of guilt,grief,pain and loss.I was not prepared in my life to deal with those feelings,so, I locked them away, put them in a dark corner of my mind and tried to forget and move on.As of today,these feelings are out in the LIGHT,MAKE THE LAST ONE COUNT is now a beacon for a turning point in my life.Please, try and forgive me, as at times I can get a little carried away and go off the deep end.Just keep it in mind that I am a literal(work in progress)and sometimes my emotions can get the better of me.Again,I would like to thank you all for being my friend in a world where its easier to turn your back and walk away.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!


Forgive me little sis,we all miss you,we ll meet again.
Your Brother Forever.
In loving memory of....

CHERYL LYNN BYROM
11/30/1973 3/24/2007


PEACE N LOVE.B.A.

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got damn man i hate to hear that. Im new here and i know u dont know me but i hate hearing things like this and i hope all goes well 4 u man and u get thru this

and just to let u know, to me, blood is just a title. MY grandfather was my only supportive male figure in my life, no he wasnt my blood grandfather but one is died long b4 i was born and the other one who is paternal does not claim me at all and just to let u know, all my life, even my "step" grandfather was self destructive, ive seen it all my life through EVERYONE in my fam so i understand that. But anyway i lost my only and main father figure at 10 years old, 3 days after my bday party, 2 days b4 my grandma's bday, she hasnt been the same since either in ways u cant imagine

but like i said b strong and i know im new but it kinda pains me to hear about stuff like this and i hope u b strong cause i know no matter the time frame, its never easy homie keep your head up and b strong

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"Why d0 ! $+@y h!gh?"

Thanks for telling us this Bass. I understand, deep down in my soul. i understand.

My son has these destructive tendencies. I have been through so much with this child of mine. And the very best thing I could do was to put him out of the house, into a care facility to hopefully work on these issues. Or for the rest of his life, I would be his keeper. It has always hurt my soul what I had to do. I have even had to put him BACK onto living on the street, with no money in order to help him find his path. God knows that he would not be living now if he had had unlimited money. I could not support his choices to steal from his grandmother, myself, his young sister or any one else he had the inclination to do this to, so I had to do this. I could not be his enabler. I have been dragged through hell and back over this.

So I do know what you are saying...

His story is not over yet, and I pray it has a better ending. Keep telling others about this. You never know who you can help.

Peace, and may you truely find PEACE

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Life,
j-angel

aka GP purrie kittie attack cat!


My Little Grow LST'ing w/Hardware

My Outdoor Odyssey 2008 BONSAI MUMS

My Little Grow Indoor To Outdoor 2009

yes bass akwards thats exactly right.

I have to say that dealing with a loved one in the throws of an addiction is never an easy proposition.We had to remind ourselves that this was not the same person we d grown to love.It was her body but not her mind oR soul.She was like an empty vessel at times,empty and full of resentments at the same time.I feel unresolved issues concerning her mothers death started her on her way.Often times it is not the drug that is the real issue.we use the drugs or alcohol(ME)to cover up what realy lies underneath.Aim so grateful that these things finally came to light.I knew some thing was eating me up but I didn't know what.isleo post opened my eyes so to speak,and if not for the kindness of your hearts it all mighta never happened.
Its a hopeless feeling to have to watch someone so beautiful to you,be so careless and unforgiving to themselves.Heres the thing though,you cant force someone to do for you what they are not willing to do for themselves.Until they decide,I'm done with this life,I'm sick of feeling this way,I'm tired of hurting the ones I love.HELP.Surender.My only resource was prayer,and sharing with others.Got a prob, share it and cut it in half.Its hard to turn to God after the loss of a loved one.However remember this,HE gave us only SON so that we could LIVE...and spread His message of love,forgiveness,peace and kindness to others.He understands the pain of loss and sacrifice.I must say that since Ive confronted these issues,I have felt her presence in my life,and I feel the warmth of love retuning to our home more and more each day.How quickly indeed life can change.
I will pray for your son jangel,Iwill also pray that love n peace returns to your family,that your home is filled with laughter and that your heart is filled with joy.I pray that the love from all finds his heart and it leads him to the Light of Truth.He already knows your pain jangle,Trust That HE knows all that come to Him.PEACE N LOVE ALWAYS. J

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Thank you sweetheart....Thank you.

Peace

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Just wanted to fill you guys in on some events of the past couple of days.If at times it looks like I'm on and not responding to you ,its probly my little brother(18) in the arcade.I wish to start by saying this,what I say here is the truth I have no reason to make up stories,cause I know this is gona be hard to believe,my hand to GOD this really happened the other nite .
I was making a run to see my friend (Gator)a veteran who lives in the woods.I sometimes ride my mountain bike to see him. I need the exercise so, I embarked on my 10 mile journey.Half way their it starts to rain,was gona pull over,but I thought to myself(rain never stooped him from walking through the jungle)so I continued.Arriving at his camp,I discovered he was not home. I often visit this little roadhouse type place that has gr8 food ,so , I figured id get outa the rain and wait awhile for him.I always sit in the same place at the bar,as I approached my seat I noticed a woman sitting 1 seat over from where I always sit.I politely asked, Is this seat taken?With a warm smile and a twinkle in her eye she said(its all you baby).The best I can describe her is (striking) to say the least,I intro duced my self,(J very nice to meet you) pulled my seat out and as I began to sit she said(Cheryl),the pleasures all mine.It stopped me mid sit!!!!!I SAID TO MYSELF,COINCIDENCE.
We talked a while about the usual,we clicked real well,it was all smiles and light flirting.After awhile we got on the subject of family,and I noticed her mood change to more of a reserved person.She told me after awhile that not too long ago she had lost 2 children and her Husband.I felt the tears well up and a lump in my throat begin to rise.I let her speak her mind and when she done I told her that I too had lost someone close to me.She asked me her name and when I said (CHERYL LYNN BYROM ) she froze,like I had when I was sitting down earlier.I asked her if she was all right and she responded by saying this,(your not gona believe this,MY NAME IS CHERYL LYNN ........)I WAS IN DISBELIEF. She got her I.D. OUT,after a moment,I started crying and so did she.We embraced in full view of everyone in the place tears streaming down our faces.
There was at least 40 women in that place. what are the odds of that? Divine intervention is my only way to explain it,still trying to take in what has been laid on me.I am in a utter state of shock and confusion,but I understand this.That was NO ACCIDENT OR COINCIDENCE.Hand of God Himself.I make no claims to be a saint,prophet,or Bible thumper.However,I do believe in whats right.Anyway,we were Gona go home together,however,we both decided to take this slow and see where it goes.I missed her the moment she drove away,we talked on the phone till for a long time later that night .A friend for life or maybe more I hope.Anyway,short on time, gota get to work,fill you in on more later,till then,PEACE N LOVE. b.a. Ever heard that tune by KIDD ROCK,AMEN?That fits me to a tee.Check it out.c ya.

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That ROCKS Bass....Simply amazing!

You never ever know what the Universe will send to you. You just have to be open to it.

The Universe sent me here. The Universe sent me my partner... It makes no difference what you call it, it is all the same thing. If you can be open to it.

My son is back in the hospital as of tues. He was babbling and not making sense. His mental health worker took him in. He is dealing with some type of psychosis. Possibly schizophrenia. No matter, it is his own demons that assail him. No one but him can fight them.

I will pray for you my friend.

Peace

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Life,
j-angel

aka GP purrie kittie attack cat!


My Little Grow LST'ing w/Hardware

My Outdoor Odyssey 2008 BONSAI MUMS

My Little Grow Indoor To Outdoor 2009

wow,

im struck dumb

I pray for you all,and others,many times a day, join in.10 Fold.SURENDER .

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Our family is biker quality,my MOM was on her 1200 sportster,and a 92 year old lady pulled out in front of her.Broke 2 arms,pelvis,but most major,brain injury.She was on another planet for 2 months.She was addicted to cigarettes,so she had exit seeking tendencies.Shed just jump outa bed and head for the street,Where you going?Shed say<I need a pack of smokes n I need to see my Boys,now get the fk outa my way.Id get a call daily at 3 am.It took me to suggest a patch,delicate geniuses with no compassion.Told them I d be sending them MY BILL.HMO my azz.errrrrrrrrrr.Id talk with her daily,hours,PATIENCE,OMG,i was coming apart.ACCORDING TO SCIENCE,THEY WROTE HER OFF.BRAIN DAMAGED.I told them.......YOU MUST NOT KNOW ABOUT US,NO GIVE UP IN THIS FAMILY.They looked at me with overeducated eyes,WERE SORRY.I NEVER GAVE UP,THATS MY MOMMA,.Then 67 days later,she snapped outve it,she said to me,Lets go home son.I went out and announced,GET HER CHIT,WERE OUTA HERE.God bless the nurses,they were so kind n gentle,the Doctors,cold as ICE.USE YOUR HEART N LOVE,NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!!fROM THE BOOK OF b.a.I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

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Keep talking sweetie...I am listening.

It is good to talk about what makes us tick and what makes us strong.

Peace

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Life,
j-angel

aka GP purrie kittie attack cat!


My Little Grow LST'ing w/Hardware

My Outdoor Odyssey 2008 BONSAI MUMS

My Little Grow Indoor To Outdoor 2009

Gr8t things can be for us all. Glad to hear about that lady you met BA. Best to you it's your time for good things.

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Hes safe. I PRAY. givem wheelbarrels of love.He loves you moma,no matter what.

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Now get in the pit,and try to LOVE SOMEONE.

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WOW, what a story. I have to admit it gave me goosebumps. Good luck with Cheryl #2.

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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away and you have their shoes!

YOU MIGHT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE.2 WALK A MILE, IN HIS SHOES.

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