It always starts with the same brain jarring noise of the alert pager going off: alerting us to someone in peril. On this particular night, it was a call to assist law enforcement. These calls most often are kind of a joke. The subject involved smarted off and got popped in the kisser by one of the officers and now he's got a fat lip. All he wants is an icepack. And his f-ing lawyer. OR she's so drunk she cannot stand up and was found asleep in her Chrysler Sebring. She's vomited in the back of the cop's cruiser. Am I there for the cop or the sorority chick? OR homeslice kicked someone's butt to feel better about himSELF, was still fired up when the po-po arrived and ended up pepper sprayed. I spend the next thirty minutes rinsing eyes. Often, I spend a great deal of time helping people minimize their embarrassing encounters with the law. But on this night, I had the rare opportunity to truly help someone out. You see, I work in a VERY conservative county. You DO NOT want to be caught in this county even FARTING in the wrong direction. On this particular night, the subject in question was driving home from work. He manages a bar in the downtown area of where I live. At night, a main road on the way to this poor sap's house is torn up and under construction with cones in confusing patterns. The guy was tired, and he turned in the wrong section of pylons right under a cop's nose. Well, the cop of course pulled him over. And of course, the cop found some lame a$$ excuse to search the guy's car. And of course they find a small glass pipe in the console: devoid of any real smokable product but nonetheless wreaking of the devil's lettuce. This guy was really in trouble in a big way. He was so petrified he had thrown up on the curb. You simply don't want to be caught with anything ganga related in the county I work for: trust me on that! The cops practically had set up a cross for crucifiction when we started evaluating him. The subject had no complaints, but I could see this was not going to end well for him, and sometimes we get lucky..... I told the guy, "Hey, you know the cops will not likely accompany us to the hospital. So here's what's up: I'm gonna ask you if you want to go the hospital with me. And you are going to say yes, and I will get you out of a night in jail. And dude? In the future you gotta leave the implement at home, my friend. They will truly hang you out for that s%*t up here. So, you want to go to the hospital with me?" The guy says yes without hesitation and adds a quiet "Thank you". The cops do not follow us to the hospital, but they do tell him they are issuing a warrant if he doesn't turn himself in on Monday, the bastards.
Sometimes, when those tones go off in the middle of the night, the images that ensue are disturbing. Sometimes, people are dying. Sometimes, they just need a bandage and an ice pack. But on this night, and on several others in my career, I rescued someone from the persecution that belongs to those of us who enjoy Miss MaryJane. I take great pride in these rescues. I live for the opportunity to take the needless arrest away from the officer who seems so hungry to look like a success.
Coppa coppa? Gimme a break already! Based on what I have seen in my profession, I know if you REALLY did your job, you have WAY bigger fish to fry than this poor dude with the tragically empty pipe.

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"What is a weed? A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson